Four Months Shy of One Year...

I don't mean to sound soooooooooo upset about it, but it really bums me that we're not OUT yet. Yes, I know that "bums" should not be the best word I can conjure, especially given my English teacher status, but really, it comes closer to describing my feelings than any other--I'm not depressed or irate, just bummed.

I dream of the day when I can look back on this time with nostalgia; mommyhood will change my life forever in lots of ways I can't even imagine, and I am certain there will be periods (probably connected with periods :-D) that I will mourn the freedom of my life now. I can sleep or not. I can eat or not. I can laugh or not. I can talk or not. I can do just about anything I would like at any time. Once he's here, I can kiss this reckless abandon goodbye. But how ready I feel now to kick it out the door!

There is a festival in our town today, and I normally look forward to the cheesy excitement of the parade, the casual chats with people who haven't seen the bottom of the mountain since this time last year, and especially the funnel cakes and other really disgusting treats associated with our Mountain Heritage Day. But not this year. I don't want to give in to happiness today because I can't share it with him. But mostly, I didn't think I could answer THE BIG QUESTION today without getting really ugly with people. And then I would have to call and apologize, so I figure I'll just save myself the trouble...

Today, my son is 8 months old.
I am thankful he is with a family who loves him
and is teaching him how to become part of our family.

But mostly, I'm BUMMED.